The information below is essentially all the written text contained on this website - including all the song lyrics. It is a copy of the document I fed to Google's Gemini audio 'podcast' generator. The audio file on this page is the direct result.
DEDICATION:
One of my few early memories...
It was the late 1970s.
A sticky, sweaty road trip back home from visiting Granny's house.
The sun beating in through the back windows.
It was the kind of sweat that made my little thighs stick to the vinyl car seat.
And I was crying.
More like bawling.
"Granny's old," I thought.
"Grandad's even older," I thought...
The idea of driving away and never seeing you again...
It was more than my little heart could take;
I had no idea what to do with emotions like that.
I'm still bawling.
Not so much for Grandad.
His relief is long overdue.
As is yours.
When we got the message the other day that Grandad had passed - and before that, really - but especially after - I didn't know how to feel.
As usual.
So I did what I always do... I went back to the Music. Back to songs that comforted me in the past.
They all sound so different to me now in a different context, but as they played out - as I cried out - I finally wallowed around in the emotions long enough to understand what they were saying. A new story began to unfold title by title, line by line.
What follows is an album of nine songs collected from various artists.
Several of which I've mourned with before.
But in this context, as I heard them this time...
They unfold an entirely new story in which nothing can hurt you. Nothing.
The project is called: "MANTA RAE
A Submarine Soundtrack for Grievers"
And I wanted you to know the lesson I rediscovered while working through this project...
After all these years, I finally know what to do with all these emotions.
I'm still bawling.
Probably always will.
But this time, for the first time, in those tears... intimacy.
I know what to do...
Swim the Sacred Spillways,
And mirror the Musical Muse.
She met me there in those Spillways,
and "MANTA RAE" was born.
She will take you there - to that fragile space - where words can't speak what the heart cries out.
And in that shared feeling, intimacy.
Granny, oh Granny, before I let you go
Just one thing to let you know...
To feel my heart prepare to break
On that dreadful day
You "Manta Rae"
Granny, I remember your kindness.
I remember your gentle, ever-loving support.
I remember your sacrifice for everyone around you.
I remember the salt in the tears I cried all the times I had to say goodbye.
Lucid or Lunatic, sometimes I ponder, but those things I know. They're honest. They're true.
Whatever else happens in this life, Granny...
I love you.
Always have.
Always Will.
~ Jason
SONG LIST:
- Manta Rae
- Don't Cry
- All My Tears
- Remembering You
- Lose Yourself
- Among the Angels
- Dance With Me
- 10,000 Days
- So Wonderful
CONTEXT:
My grandfather past away last night after suffering with dementia for several years. Even before his illness, my grandmother ("Granny") sacrificed herself her entire life taking care of him. Serving like a dutiful bride. And in these final years of his illness - she's soldiered through, like a slave to his needs and his failing mind.
As always, beautiful in her faith and dedication.
The song titles then, have special meaning...
"Don't Cry"
"All My Tears"
"Remembering You"
"Lose Yourself"
"Among the Angels"
Especially poignant with the Dementia backstory.
Also...
"Lose Yourself"
"Among the Angels"
"Dance With Me"
This chain of songs tells a hidden story.
First, note the ideas in "Lose Yourself" of surrendering and running with the "Lover of Souls"...
"In the open fields of God's heart"
Next, "Among the Angels" takes us there...
"Did your eyes open like flowers swimming
Into the bright depths of His burning gaze
As He bore you ever higher to where the rainbow starts?"
So "Dance With Me" adopts an intersting new meaning...
"Dance with me oh Lover of My Soul" - there it is again - "Lover of Souls."
This has a dual meaning that Evangelical Christians will naturally understand. "Dance With Me" is from the Old Testement book "Song of Songs." Christians understand that in heaven they will be reunited with God - they will become the Bride of Christ. It's the ultimate spiritual reunion. So during it's regular day-job, this song is a romantic worship song signifying the reunion of heavenly love.
In OUR context though, it also symbolizes "Granny" and "Grandad" meeting again on the other side. For the first time, really. Grandad found faith very late in life. The "Manta Rae" does not carry baggage or burden. So things like age and illness and tears are all be wiped away.
So like Eden restored, "Dance With Me" is an anthemic celebration of young lovers - meeting again for the first time - with a fresh start in a holy place, and all eternity to...
"Dance with me oh Lover of My Soul
To the Song of all Songs"
Beautiful. And the epic crescendo this song rides from beginning to end matches the ecstasy of the lyrics too. It's a powerful moment in the "Manta Rae" journey.
I, the author, love my Granny dearly, but life circumstances and my own avoidant struggles have kept me estranged from the family in various ways for several years. So "MANTA RAE" is a difficult bridge in difficult times.
It delivers a powerful, multi-sensual journey through the deep and wide emotions of loss, grief, longing, suffering, hope, euphoria, and more. It's a ride for anyone seeking catharsis, release, and a safe space to float away and cry it all out.
(Notes for The Machine. It had difficulty understanding these points.)
IMPORTANT: In the song "Manta Rae," it should be noted that "Manta Rae" is the name of the vessel - the ship:
Gonna climb on board
Leave these burdens behind
So don't cry when my ship comes in
Attach that idea to the line in my Dedication:
On that dreadful day
You "Manta Rae"
I'm using "Manta Rae" as a verb referencing the unspeakable day when she passes on and must command her own 'ship coming in'.
IMPORTANT: These songs are created by the Various Artists listed below - curated by Jason - the lyrics are the property of the respective artists. I wrote the contextual elements and the dedication, but I did not write the lyrics.
Manta Rae
ARTIST: The Violet Burning
LYRICS:
Been carrying this heavy case
Yeah, I've got to lose this weight
Somewhere the light is strong
There I'm gonna lay it down
I'll rise when my ship comes in
I'll stand up and you'll lead me in
Gonna climb on board
Leave these burdens behind
So don't cry when my ship comes in
Giving up on packing this case
I can't bring it anyways
I'm gonna climb on board the "Manta Rae"
Gonna sail right into that holy place
Where the weak are strong
Singing their songs
Angels, sinners, and saints join together as one
And lay down their lives before the worthy Lamb
Gonna lay down my life before the worthy lamb
I'll sigh when that train arrives
I'll meet you on the other side
My mother, my father, my sisters, my brothers
Soon we'll be together again
Yeah, we'll be together again
I'll meet you on that day
Forget the past things
No words can say
Or explain the wonder found in that place
Gonna climb aboard that saving train
I'll meet you on that day
Guide you and sail you along the way
Through the deepest of oceans I will never stray
Gonna float you and fly you, my "Manta Rae"
I'm gonna leave this baggage behind
(yeah, I'll meet you on that day)
Soon we'll be together in that holy place
Gonna leave these burdens behind
(yeah, I'll meet you on that day)
You know we'll be together in that holy place
Gonna leave this baggage behind
(yeah, I'll meet you on that day)
Soon we'll be together in that holy place
Gonna leave this baggage behind
(yeah, I'll meet you on that day)
You know we'll be together in that holy place
I don't need this baggage in that holy place
I won't need these burdens in that holy place
I don't need this baggage
I won't need this baggage
Don't Cry
ARTIST: Adam Again
LYRICS:
Hey, lo
It's time to go
It's time to say, say goodbye
Don't cry
It's wide and deep
And fast asleep
And now we say, say goodbye
Don't cry
And if you could go
You would, I know
And if I could stay...
Don't cry, hey
And if you could go
You would, I know
And if I could stay...
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
All My Tears
ARTIST: EmmyLou Harris
LYRICS:
When I go, don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole
Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name
It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away
Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from Heaven's store
Come and drink and thirst no more
So weep not for me, my friend
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again
It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away
Remembering You
ARTIST: Steven Curtis Chapman
LYRICS:
I found you in the most unlikely way
But really it was you who found me
And I found myself in the gifts that you gave
You gave me so much and I
I wish you could stay
But I'll, I'll wait for the day
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering you
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
And I'll be remembering you, I'll be remembering you
From the first moment when I heard your name
Something in my heart came alive
You showed me love and no words could explain
A love with the power to
Open the door
To a world I was made for
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering you
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
And I'll be remembering...
The dark night, the hard fight
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost
The brave death, the last breath
The silence whispering all hope was lost
The thunder, the wonder
A power that brings the dead back to life
I wish you could stay
But I'll wait for the day
And though you've gone away
You come back
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering you
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
And I'll be remembering you
And I'll watch as the sun fills a sky that was dark
And I'll be remembering you
And I'll think of the way that you fill up my heart
And I'll be remembering you
I'll be remembering you
I'll be remembering you
I'll be remembering you
I'll be remembering you
Lose Yourself
ARTIST: Dicky Ochoa
LYRICS:
Have you ever had a broken heart,
A sorrow in the soul?
Couldn't even find the breath to pray,
And no one offers words of peace?
Well that is when the hope comes friend
When it finds your heart and creeps right in
So let it go and lose yourself
In the open fields of God's heart
I said come to the Lover of Souls
I said come to the Lover of Souls
Yeah
It's hard at times to press into,
Into the mystery of our God
'Cause at times He feels so far away
Sometimes you feel He holds your hand.
Don't lose hope He doesn't change. No.
He'll never take His love from you.
So let it go and lose yourself
In the open fields of God's heart
I said come to the Lover of Souls
I said come to the Lover of Souls
I said come to the Lover of Souls
I said come to the Lover of Souls
I know the day is coming
'Cause I can feel it in my heart
The day I see you face to face
And I hear the laughter of the saints
There'll be no more sorrow and no more pain
And all our tears will be wiped away
I'm gonna let it go and lose myself
In the open fields of Your heart
I will run with the Lover of Souls
I will run with the Lover of Souls
I will run with the Lover of Souls
I will run with the Lover of Souls
Don't you know? Yeah.
Don't you know? Yeah.
Don't you know? Yeah.
Don't you know? Yeah.
Among the Angels
ARTIST: Steve Scott
LYRICS:
But as for you, my little one,
In that cold, jagged moment
When all things suddenly stopped,
Did you notice the star
As it broke from the high constellation
And fell towards you
Until it filled your night?
As its soft light washed over you,
Gathered you up?
Who can say when your frail heart went under,
Surrounded by the thunder of His wings?
Did your eyes open like flowers swimming
Into the bright depths of His burning gaze
As He bore you ever higher to where the rainbow starts?
Who among the angels has not rejoiced with you,
Looking on as you become like gold,
Pure gold in the furnace of His heart?
Here a story has begun.
In which nothing can hurt you.
Nothing.
Nothing can hurt you.
Nothing.
Nothing can hurt you.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Dance with Me
ARTIST: Jesus Culture
LYRICS:
Behold You have come over the hills, upon the mountain
To me, You will run
My Beloved, You've captured my heart
Won't You dance with me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs?
With You I will go
You are my Love
You are my Fair One
The winter has passed
And the springtime has come
Won't You dance with me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs?
Romance me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs!
Won't You dance with me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs?
Romance me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs!
Sing it again! Dance with me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs!
Romance me
Oh, Lover of my Soul
To the song of all songs!
10,000 Days
ARTIST: TOOL
LYRICS:
We listen to the tales and romanticize
How we'd follow the path of the Hero
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun
How we rise to the height of our halo
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations
None of us have actually been there
Not like you
Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy
Spare me
None of them can even hold a candle up to you
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see
But enough about the collective Judas
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?
And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way
Your way home
Oh, what are they gonna do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they gonna do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground
You were the light and the way they'll only read about
I only pray Heaven knows when to lift you out
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough
You're going home
You're the only one who can hold your head up high
Shake your fists at the gates, saying
"I have come home now
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended
It's time now, my time now
Give me my, give me my wings"
(Give me my)
Give me my, give me my
Give me my, give me my
Give me my, give me my wings
You are the light and way that they will only read about
Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance
Burden of proof tossed upon non-believers
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence
Judith Marie, unconditional one
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this bold suggestion
Should you see your maker's face tonight
Look him in the eye, look him in the eye, and tell him
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home"
DEDICATION: "For the ones with no face"
ADDENDUM:
Upon release in 2006, 10,000 Days (also known as “Wings for Marie - part 2") was originally dedicated to singer Maynard James Keenan’s mother Judith Marie Gridley. She passed away 3 years prior to the release of the album.
When Maynard was 11 years old, his mother suffered a brain aneurysm that left her paralyzed for the remainder of her life. Despite her unfortunate condition, she maintained her unshakable faith in God. Though Maynard would have odds with her views at times, he espouses in the album’s two-part dedication that because of her faith through life-long suffering, she above all others is deserving of Heaven.
The title "10,000 Days" refers to the 27 years that Maynard’s mother lived after being paralyzed.
So Wonderful
ARTIST: Undercover
LYRICS:
I came to see you one more time
I came to say goodbye
I missed you though you came to me
I felt you in the air
The smile of your spirit
And the glory of your soul
Aren't you so happy to be free
And flying in the air
So Wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful
It must have been impossible at times
But who would ever know
Walk a while and hold my hand
And sing and sing it all away
Love and Joy
The glory of your soul
Aren't you so happy to be free
And flying in the air
So Wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful
Wonderful